I reminded him that our friends who had been together for over a year, we're always asked when they were were getting married, our newly wedded friends were being asked when they were having a baby and with Master Z turning 2, we were constantly asked when we were having our second. Hell, a friend was asked in the hospital last week, hours after giving birth to her beautiful second boy if she was going to try for a third!!!!!! Only a few hours after!!!!!!
Many of the questions are well meaning interest or just to make conversation and finding common ground, but it can come across as seeming to be a need for people to want to know when you are going to be making the moves to fit into the 'house with a white picket fence' ideal of life. Married, 2.5 kids = happiness. If you don't fit into that box surely you can't be happy???? I am sure that is what my friend feels and he has said that he is fed up with the questions and in honesty, he doesn't want a relationship just for the sake of it. He has decided that although he has always wanted kids, he doesn't want a relationship just for that reason. He is not looking and surely that should be ok.
I have been upset recently by the constant questions about when we are having our second baby - believe me, I am dancing as fast as I can on that one, but life doesn't always fall into place like that and not everyone strives for the house with the white picket fence. Some people look for the modern , colourbond fence, others want no fence at all. I hate being put on the spot with that question as I am sure that my friend gets uncomfortable every time he is grilled.
I try to make an effort when talking to people, particularly those I don't know, to stay away from those presumptive questions and I hope that I have never made anyone uncomfortable with those questions in the past. I get that people are taking an interest, but they would be better placed asking me how the beautiful boy that I do have is going, or asking my newly wed friends how their new house is going, or my wonderful friend who has just given birth in the hospital how she is feeling.
What questions do you find put you on the spot and make you uncomfortable? Am I being precious and unreasonable?
Linking up today with Jess at Diary of a SAHM - head over there to see what others have written for Tuesday
Chantel x
3 comments:
The two constants I get. When are you having baby number 2? When are you buying a proper sized house? I've learnt to deflect them now. I'll never understand the need to ask intrusive nosey questions. I'd rather ask how you are, in a genuine way. People will tell you what they want to, and sometimes you find out a lot with that simple question. x
I agree. There are other ways of finding out about people and if someone isn't comfortable telling you something, they shouldn't feel like they are put in the spot to answer :o)
I agree. There are other ways of finding out about people and if someone isn't comfortable telling you something, they shouldn't feel like they are put in the spot to answer :o)
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