Some of you would have read my previous posts about Michelle Bridges' last round of 12 Week Body Transformation. I was posting each Friday, I went in gung ho, did great with exercise and eating for 6 weeks, 6 kilos lost, then had a weeks holiday away, became sick for 2 weeks and then *crickets*. Nothing. I went silent on the whole thing.
As you can imagine, it was because yet again, I had fallen off the wagon. Yet again, I had stopped allowing myself to feel wonderful and healthy and I went back into that horrible cycle of eating crap, no exercise and regretting every bit of my lack of will power. I get angry with myself, and then to make myself feel better, I eat. Then, I get angry at my lack of will power, so I eat. So then the cycle goes round and round and round.
It makes all the things I said here seem meaningless and full of shit. It makes me sound as though I am spineless, weak and can't even make the simple commitment to living healthy for my family. I have had some sadness over the last 10 weeks, nothing major, just little hills to climb, but I have found myself eating for comfort yet again.
This has to stop. If I want to have anymore kids and be able to leave the house on my own steam, and not with the help of the fire brigade, I need to get my shit together. I need to sort my head once and for all and commit to something for the long term. My relationship and my family is one of the few things in my life that I have managed to commit to. Usually, I lose interest, or sabotage things. I need to put my relationship with my body in this category too and commit to it for life. From now.
I know that you have heard it all before, that you don't believe me and that's a very fair attitude going by my history. I just have to prove to myself and to you that I am worth it and I need to do this for me, first and foremost and my family. I feel wonderful when I am fit and healthy - why do I think I don't deserve to feel like that every day? Some brain gremlins I need to address I think.
I am linking up today with Kate and Natalie's new linky for bloggers that are doing the 12 week body (blogger) transformation. I hope to link up each week or every few weeks. Good luck to those starting Monday. Wish me luck! - things need to change........
Chantel x
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