15th October

Today is Pregnancy and Infant Loss Rememberance Day around the world. It is a day parents can honour babies who passed away from miscarriage, still birth or post natal death.

I never wanted to be a member of this club. We had our first miscarriage in 2009, the pregnancy before Zeb. The pregnancy lasted 8 short weeks and we were heart broken. We were so fortunate to have a successful pregnancy immediately following. It was a stressful pregnancy as I was constantly on edge that it would happen again, but it was physically an easy pregnancy with the most amazing result. 


This time round, we have had four miscarriages over a period of 10 months. All have been pregnancies that have lasted around six and a half weeks. I am fortunate I know why this is happening. I have a chromosome translocation - basically means I have scrambled eggs -   only two of every six eggs that I produce will result in a viable pregnancy - I just have to wait for the right egg to drop.


In the meantime, we are dealing with the grief of losing multiple pregnancies. Each time we get a positive pregnancy test, there is joy, overshadowed by fear that it could happen again. Each time a miscarriage happens, my heart shatters a bit more. I grieve for what could have been. We so desperately want a brother or sister for Zeb and I am not getting any younger. There is sadness with each miscarriage, but also it feels like a waste of time, a wasted opportunity and takes us further from our goal. 


I am fortunate our miscarriages are happening in early pregnancy. I don't have the heartache of some parents who see their fully formed babies on scans, those who deliver sleeping babies, or those whose babies struggle for life from their first breaths and don't end up going home. At the same time, I question if I have the right to grieve about my situation, do I deserve to feel sad, when really we are only losing a small bunch of cells. We haven't lost what some people have and I can only imagine the heart break they are experiencing.


But I do feel sad, I do need to own and validate my feelings and my grief. My grief has turned my life upside down these last few months and things have been that little bit harder than usual. I haven't been the best mum, wife, daughter or friend I can be, and that distresses me more. 


But we have hope. We hold on to the fact that ours is a game of roulette and eventually the odds will fall into our hands. Each morning, as I go to wake Zeb up, my heart fills with so much love for him and hope that we can create a baby as perfect as him in the near future. We just have to keep on hoping.


Today, share a thought for those parents who didn't bring their babies home. 


15october.com.au

Retro Jelly Slice

Image from here. Mine wasn't ready to photograph, so will update later

My 'go to' sweet dish for anytime we have to take a plate for an afternoon or morning tea and I always get asked for the recipe. It is simple, it is very 70s, but it is awesome!

Base:
150 g melted butter
2 pkts finely crushed sweet biscuits ( I usually use gluten free so mum can have some)

Mix together and press into a rectangle biscuit tray. Bake 5 mins at 180 degrees C, allow to cool, then pop in the fridge to chill.

Filling:
2 tins condensed milk
Juice of 3 lemons
6 teaspoons gelatine
3/4 cup of boiling water

Empty condensed milk into bowl and add the lemon juice. Mix gelatine with the boiling water and then add to the milk mixture. Combine well and pour onto the chilled base. Return to the fridge.

Jelly Topping:
2 packets of raspberry jelly
3 cups of boiling water
1 teaspoon gelatine

Make the jelly and add in the gelatine, stirring until dissolved. Allow to cool. Once cooled, and the condensed milk filling is set, pour the jelly onto the slice over the back of a spoon (so it won't make a hole in the filling)
Return to fridge to set.
Once set, cut into squares. Store in fridge.

See how simple that was? Not quick, but worth it for the taste.

Sunday Session - Blur versus Oasis

The great musical rivalries, Beatles vs Stones, Wham vs Duran Duran, NSync vs Backstreet Boys, Take That vs Boyzone - but the one that was most relevant for me, was Blur versus Oasis. I was never in one camp or the other, just got to relish the awesome music that came out of that era.


I love Damon Albarn and thought that Liam Gallagher was a bit of a wanker. I do, however think Noel Gallagher is an amazing writer and it was when I saw him interviewed the other night on Jonathan Ross that I got thinking about the rivalry between these two bands. Of course it was all fuelled by the British tabloid media at the time, and I think Liam may have had a lot to do with stirring the pot too. Jonathan asked Noel is he would ever consider doing  a collaboration with Damon Albarn and he gave a very positive answer - if only - all my 90s dreams realised :o)


Here is a few of my favourite videos:


























Sorry for the poor quality and not original vids, all quite heavily copyrighted, but the beauty of these bands is to see them live anyway!


Linking up with Thea as always on a Sunday

Sunday Session - The Sun is Shining!

Yay! It's Sunday! Which means its time to link up with Thea at "Do I really wanna blog?" for her Sunday Session. Head on over to her page to see what others are playing.

It has got up to 36 degrees today here in Perth, so Spring is definitely on us. It has been a stinker of a day, but brings with it the excitement of a long summer. As I looked at songs along the theme of the moon a few weeks ago, I thought today would be a fitting day to choose some songs with a 'sun' theme. Didn't realise there would be so many, but here is a few of my favourites.

My first crush - Morten Harket from A-Ha. I was definitely going to marry him and loved everything about them and their music. Here is "The Sun Always Shines on TV" Sorry about the clip, I couldn't find one that would let me embed.

"Island in the Sun" from Weezer. A really happy, boppy, sunny song. Always puts a smile on my face.

The classic sun song - "Here comes the Sun" from the best band to ever walk the planet, The  Beatles. Sorry about the clip, best I could find.

Soundgarden - "Black Hole Sun" - so pumped they have reformed and will be doing the festival circuit this year.

Another band I had enormous exposure to when living in the UK, The Libertines - "Don't Look Back in to the Sun". One of TBone's favourite bands, so I have grown to love their work by osmosis. I don't like Pete Doherty or Baby Shambles at all, but I love Carl and his side project Dirty Pretty Things - they have disbanded, but check them out if you can.

Enjoy and have a great week. 

Chantel x

Sunday Session - Regard the moon - La lune ne garde aucune rancune

Yay it's Sunday! Linking up with Thea at Do I really wanna blog? for her Sunday Session.

This week I have chosen to use the theme of the moon. Mainly because I wanted to put in this song by Echo and the Bunnymen - Killing Moon. Came across it from watching The Lost Boys many, many years ago and have loved it since., Have been fortunate to see them a few times at festivals and this is one of my all time favourite songs.



This next song was in one of the "Sing" books we used to use for music class in primary school- it was before Cat Stevens morphed and I remember loving to sing it in music lessons, 'Moon Shadow'.





The Police - Walking on the moon - nuff said!





And just to bring the 80s in, as I can't help it. This one gets me singing every time. The Waterboys - The Whole of the Moon 





Have a great week. Head on over to Thea's page to check out some great Sunday music.

Chantel x

Sunday Session

Linking in again with Thea at Do I really wanna Blog? for the Sunday Session.

This week has been super busy and as always, the music running through my head has been varied. 


For some inane reason, The Gambler has been at the forefront. I am not really a Kenny Roger's fan, I don't really even know the song, I have just had a few lines stuck in my head. I think I probably learnt it by osmosis from my parents record collection. So you have to suffer too!






The other song that has invaded my headspace has been Adele's Rolling in the Deep. It is everywhere at the moment due to its use in the latest series of Channel 9's Underbelly: Razor. I love Adele and I love this song. I was at a Hen's Party yesterday and this was played pretty much every 30 minutes in the bus. Love it!





Now for a quick retro, one of my favorite Creedence Songs, "Down on the Corner".





Have a great week everyone

Chantel x